This is particularly relevant if you are female, as according to the ancients, you are then less able to process food into blood (which explains your need to menstruate).

WEAR FLOWERS IN YOUR HAIR

Emulate the example of your teenager daughter (niece, granddaughter, neighbour) at the latest festival and wear a wreath of ivy or flowers while drinking.

The smell of flowers such as roses or myrtle will cool down your bad humours and relieve any headache. But try to avoid flowers with a heavy scent such a lilies.

Believe it or not, Greek and Roman physicians devoted entire treatises to the topic of curative wreaths. Unfortunately, these works are now lost, save for short extracts.

We’re not certain whether the wreath you have hung on your door for Christmas will serve this healing purpose.

SOUR HUMOUR

Drink vinegar, perhaps with the addition of some herbs or flowers: the soured wine will counteract the wine that has already soured in your belly.

If you can’t stomach the vinegar you have drunk, you will be purged, which was considered a positive outcome in ancient medicine. Indeed, getting rid of bad humours is as good an effect as any.

ACTIVATE YOUR ALMONDS

Eat five almonds before drinking, as according to the great pharmacologist Dioscorides (first century CE), this will prevent drunkenness. It can’t hurt and chances are you will have received a festive pack of nuts from your great aunt.

MAKE FRIENDS WITH CABBAGE

Put your Brussels sprouts and other cabbage to good use. The Greeks and Romans believed that the vine and the cabbage were natural enemies. They thought the vine had the capacity to perceive the smell of cabbage and refused to grow properly in the vicinity of the pungent vegetable. By extension, cabbage will counteract an excess of wine in your belly. Raw cabbage may work better than cooked.

READ THE CLASSICS

Follow the wise advice of the author Vindanius Anatolius of Beirut (fourth century CE) and discuss ancient history to sober up. You will find sobering examples in stories such as that of the demise of Cleomenes, king of Sparta, who became mad because of his habit of drinking neat wine.

Alternatively, concentrating on retelling or listening to ancient stories will distract you from incipient drunkenness. Or perhaps this will send you to sleep, which, all things considered, is probably no bad thing.

• Although the remedies outlined here are relatively safe, the author does not recommend their use and declines all responsibility.