Zolile Menzelwa
Senior Reporter

Most men lose the pleasure of sex for their partners on the second phase of the sexual intercourse leading to relationships being lost as the females could mostly either cheat or be addicted to masturbation to give themselves the pleasure they did not receive during the intercourse.

This was shared by sexual guru Dr Mthembeni Tebelele during the Sexual Dysfunction seminar in Mthatha, Savoy Hotel Conference Centre on Friday evening. The Sim Talk was hosted by Dr Simthandile Toni. Tebelele said sexual intercourse had five stages:

• Excitement;
• Plateau;
• Orgasm;
• Resolution phase; and
• Reflectory period.

In the excitement phase both partners must be aroused and have an appetite for sex, Tebelele said. “When you do sex you must do it justice. You take a woman to your place to have sex but when you get there you don’t do it. There are women who have never experienced orgasm,” he said.

The appetite to have sex, Tebelele said, starts in the head – the engine for arousal. However the first phase can be negatively affected by the message from the brain. “Interest in sex can be affected by psychological problems, conflict with your partner or cheating. Cheating can lead to you not having interest in sex at home,” the Dr said.

He said sex was for pleasure and fulfilment and it came with a job description of getting your partner to reach orgasm. “You must get a score card of your performance in the morning. So even if you have one round, make it solid. If you must cry or laugh or fart during sex, then do it. Don’t hold back,” he said to loud laughter. He said men have egos and liked to be praised and therefore female partners must guide their men to where they want them. Some people were given sex once and never again due to their bad performance.

Tebelele advised people to watch what they eat as it could affect the strength of their erections, pointing out starch, alcohol, nicotine in tobacco and supplements for bodybuilders as dangerous. He suggested lots of fruit and vegetables adding meat with its cholesterol helped make sperm. However, he cautioned, it was important to check the level of cholesterol – as much of a good thing is bad. The loss of testosterone was another cause for erection dysfunction and men lose between 1% and 2% a year. This can be injected but a professional must be seen. The fat caused by big bellies produced a hormone called oestrogen, a female hormone, meaning men with bellies become feminine.

The plateau phase is the phase of pleasure and if a man loses control during this phase, the score card would look bad in the morning. There are, however, ways around this challenge – Tebelele advised. “This is the point where you feel there is something coming but if you listen, you can tell your partner is not there with you. So what do you do? You decrease your pace but if you can’t control yourself, then withdraw and start all over again. If you lose it here, you lose the relationship. But what happens if you failed to withdraw and ended up coming?”

While this can open doors for cheating, he said, it was not all doom and gloom – improvise. “There is a misconception that penis is everything. If your penis fails you, you can use your finger or tongue to get your partner to reach orgasm. Sex is a two way process with a mutual responsibility. What you like receiving, you must give,” he said. Phase three is orgasm and it is different for men and women. Orgasm has two phases, one called emission and the other ejaculation. Orgasm is a release of happy hormones that lead to sleep after sex.

“Orgasm of women is very difficult to reach, it needs communication, effort and a lot of skill from men. Women have three types of orgasm namely the clitoral orgasm, imaginary zone or G-spot orgasm and hybrid orgasm,” Tebelele said. Clitoral orgasm is when you use your hand or tongue to play with the clitoris, imaginary zone or G-spot is when you insert the tip of your finger about 1cm into the vagina and play with it while hybrid is a mixture of the two. “That is why a 5cm long penis is enough to do all the work. What is important is that you must know what you are doing,” he said to applause from female audience who formed the majority of about 150 people at the seminar.

Tebelele said it was fine to masturbate for self discovery but that information must be shared with your partner. Resolution phase is the fourth phase and it entails becoming conscious. “This is the phase you tell her that you don’t have the money to buy the train you promised her,” he said to cheers. Tebelele said it was important to cuddle and bond during this period as it increased romance between couples.

Reflectory period is the time taken before the next round and, he said, it takes time for men to have an erection after ejaculation. “Now a lot of women lose it here. Since she was not satisfied in the previous round, she is in a hurry to have another round and she rushes her partner leading to him losing interest. Give it 30 minutes to an hour. “In some homes it takes days to stand again,” he said to a roar of laughter. Tebelele said premature ejaculation affected eight out of 10 men from all walks of life.

He said if a man left his woman hanging he sometimes fear asking for another round and this could lead to no sex in the home front. He cautioned against using illicit drugs and said all dysfunctional problems have solutions that could keep the Ben 10s out of people’s homes. Sim Talks will continue with the seminars inviting various experts on health related matters.

1 comment